Thursday, 18 May 2017

Let The Judgement Day Games Begin

A vast ocean of people, a multitude too numerous to be counted as were the stars in the heavens or grains of sand in the desert, were waiting to enter a courtroom  and in the meantime were filling out a questionnaire, a sample of which was as follows, minus the boxes:



    (Tick Where Applicable)
No. Sample Charges That May Be Filed By The Prosecution Yes No Not Applicable
1  I was hungry, but you did not give me anything to eat.
2  I was thirsty, but you did not give me anything to drink.
3  I was naked, but you did not give me anything to wear.
4  I was a stranger, but you did not welcome me into your home.
5  I was sick and in prison, but you did not visit me.
    (Tick Where Applicable)
No. Sample Pleas That May Be Entered By The Defense  Yes No Not Applicable
1  I was too busy making money.
2  I was too busy making love.
3  I was too busy making babies.
4  I was too busy getting drunk.
5  I was too busy getting angry.
6  I was too busy fighting insurgents / militants.
7  I was too  busy fighting with my in-laws / neighbors.
8  I was too busy travelling the world in search of adventure.
9  I was too busy travelling the world in search of gastronomic 
 adventures.
10  I was too busy playing golf.
11  I was too busy playing cat-and-mouse with the law.
12  I was too busy enjoying life.
13  I was too busy being nice.
14  I was too busy being an asshole.
15  I was too busy chasing deadlines.
16  I was too busy chasing dreams.
17  I was too busy looking for love.
18  I was too busy looking for happiness.
19  I was too busy looking good.
20  I was too busy climbing up the corporate ladder.
21  I was too busy struggling to make ends meet.
22  I was too busy bitching about my lot in life.
23  Big deal. I was in prison myself.
24  Big deal. I was on a hospital bed myself.
25  Big deal. I was a soup kitchen regular myself.
26  Big deal. I was a charity case myself.
27  Sorry, I'm not a Christian.
28  Sorry, I'm an Atheist and do not recognize the legality
29  of these proceedings.
30  I demand my right to be represented by a lawyer.
31 We have followed Moses since the days of our forefathers
and have kept all the commandments. As for this Jesus 
fellow, we don't know who he is.
31 We have followed Moses since the days of our forefathers
and have kept all the commandments. As for this Jesus
fellow, we know that he was a blasphemer who deserved
everything Herod did to him.
32 We have been faithful to the Torah since the days of our 
forefathers and are still waiting for the Messiah who was to 
come. Please, Sir, can you tell us where to find him?
33 For centuries, Moses permitted us to divorce and marry 
as many times as we please, then this Jesus fellow comes 
along and forbids it. Moreover, he desecrates the Sabbath,
healing the masses by magic and sorcery. Even worse,
his disciples erect idols of him in their places of worship
and expect us to bow down before these idols, which
Moses forbade, and proclaim him Saviour. Please, Sir, 
tell us, what would you have us believe, that this Jesus
fellow was the Messiah who was to come?
34 Excuse me. I'm here to collect my 72 virgins as a reward
for jihardist duties on earth. Allahu Akhbar!
Other Pleas That May Be Entered By The Defense Not Found Here (In Your Own Words)

Friday, 14 April 2017

Combating Workplace Stress

I once used to combat workplace stress
With lots of tea, cigarettes and beer;
Tea and cigarettes at work,
Cigarettes and beer at the pub afterwards.

Then I suffered a heart attack.
Bye, bye, cigarettes, bye, bye, beer,
Bye, bye oily food also,
But that's another story.

So, what next?
Cats. I had lots of them.
Unfortunately, they all died or went missing,
One by one.
Bye, bye, cats and cat therapy,
No pun intended,
For they were all like children,
Cherished dearly and loved,
Until the end of time,
Or so it seems.

Okay, so what next?
First-shooter computer games:
Modern Warfare, COD, MOH and Battlefield,
Overdosing on them till late at night
Which led to sleep deprivation
And sleeping all day once the roof caved in.
Bye, bye, computer games.

Okay, so what next?
Leave, lots of it,
Unpaid, all of it, of late,
But so what?
The sky's the limit,
For now at least.

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Ramblings

I was in that magical place in the depths of slumberland yesterday when you, Bleached,  most beloved of all my cats and whom I would gladly have died for, appeared out of nowhere with a kitten in tow, a kitten whose markings were just like yours, and I wondered if it was in response to having heard my voice perhaps that you appeared.
I stroked you, picked your baby up to hold it in my arms, stroked you again and called your name, Bleached, most beloved of all my cats and whom I would gladly have died for.
Alas, it was only for a few moments that we were reunited once more after all these years, in that magical place in the depths of slumberland, when I began losing sight of you.
However hard or desperately I tried, I failed to find you again thenceforth.
I slept the whole day yesterday, from morning until evening, and finally dragged myself out of bed only after accepting the fact that it was futile trying to find you again in that magical place in the depths of slumberland, where the laws of gravity, or even those governing death for that matter, do not apply, when you close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep and wake up in that magical place in the depths of slumberland where it's just like yesterday and everyone you once loved but  died was still alive, just like it was yesterday, when life was good and the fates were kind, as it was with you yesterday, Bleached, most beloved of all my cats and whom I would gladly have died for.

Friday, 24 March 2017

July 16, 2016, A Day Which Will Live In Infamy

The very first time your cat, or one of your cats, go missing, it's like the end of the world, a day of nightmarish proportions, a day of inconsolable grief and mourning.

By the time the twentieth cat goes missing, however much it's loved and cherished, it's like another day at the office, a day of emotional numbness, an uneventful day.

That seems to be the case with you, Jack, on this third day of your disappearance, which although was not the first time you've gone missing, was the first time you've gone missing for this long.

Where were you really, Jack? Lying dead in a drain somewhere, hit by a car as you went about on your daily walkabout ? Killed by a dog that crept up silently behind you as you went about your way? Mating with some female cat in some distant part of the neighborhood ? Fighting with some male cat whose territory you intruded upon? Where were you really, Jack?

You are the last surviving member of the clan, Jack, the bloodline ends with you.  If you die, family lineage dies with you. Bill was an adopted stray someone dumped in the back lane behind as a baby. Bill was picked up from the street. You were born here. Don't you see, Jack? You can't be dead. You can't die. Or maybe you can, Jack, maybe you can, if you have a son or daughter somewhere as a result of previous mating encounters in the past.


So, go ahead and die, Jack, go ahead and be dead somewhere. My feelings don't matter, they never did, they never will. After all, what am I but a mere footnote on a page of recorded history.

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

My First Poem In French / Russian / Chinese / Hindustani / Arabic / Japanese / Malay / Swahili / Etc. (In Collaboration With Google Translate)

(English)

It is not so much the creative spark
That plants the seed of imagination
In such an endeavor as this
Than it is the baby that comes out crying
From the womb of boredom
After first getting spanked on its bottom, of course.

"Waaaah!…Waaaaah!…Waaaaah!...":
Those are its very first words
Spoken upon entering the world
In baby talk, of course,
Followed by, "Ma-ma…
Pa-pa…
Dog…
Cat…
School…
Girlfriend / Boyfriend…
Car…
College…
Job…
Marriage…
Babies...
Diabetes…
Migraine...
Hospital...
Etc., Etc., Etc.,"
In accordance with the stages of its growth
And accompanying circumstances
From childhood to adulthood
Or, in other words,
Its destiny.



(French)

Il est pas tellement l'étincelle créatrice
Que les plantes de la graine de l'imagination
Dans une telle entreprise, car cela
Puis il est le bébé qui vient à pleurer
Du sein de l'ennui
Après la première fessée sur son fond, bien sûr.

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
Ce sont ses premiers mots
Parlée en entrant dans le monde
Dans le langage de bébé, bien sûr,
Suivi par "Ma-ma ...
Papa…
Chien…
Chat…
École…
Petite amie petit ami…
Voiture…
Université…
Emploi…
Mariage…
Bébés...
Diabète…
Migraine...
Hôpital...
Etc., etc., etc., "
Conformément aux étapes de croissance
Et les circonstances d'accompagnement
De l'enfance à l'âge adulte
Ou, en d'autres termes,
Il est le destin.



(Russian)

Это не столько творческая искра
Что растения семена воображения
В таких усилий, как это
Чем это ребенок, который приходит в слезах
Из лона скуки
После первого получения шлепали на его дне, конечно.

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah! ...":
Это его первые слова
Говорят при входе в мир
В детской речи, конечно же,
Вслед за "Ма-ма ...
Папа…
Собака…
Кот…
Школа…
Девушка парень…
Автомобиль…
Колледж ...
Работа ...
Брак, создание семьи…
Детям ...
Диабет…
Мигрень ...
Больница ...
И т.д., и т.д., и т.д., "
В соответствии с этапами его роста
И сопутствующие обстоятельства
От детства к взрослой жизни
Или, другими словами,
Это судьба.



(Chinese)

這是沒有這麼多的創意火花
植物想像的種子
在這樣的努力,因為這
由於它是出來哭鬧寶寶
從無聊的子宮
第一後得到打屁股在其底部,當然。

“Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...”:
這些都是它的第一個字
在進入世界口語
在寶寶說話,當然,
其次,“馬伊 - 馬伊...
PA-PA...
狗…
貓…
學校…
女朋友/男朋友...
汽車…
學院…
工作…
婚姻…
嬰兒...
糖尿病…
偏頭痛...
醫院...
等等,等等,等等。“
根據其生長的不同階段
和陪同的情況下
從童年到成年
或者,換句話說,
這是命運。



(Hindustani)

यह इतना रचनात्मक चिंगारी नहीं है
यही कारण है कि कल्पना के बीज पौधों
इस के रूप में इस तरह के एक प्रयास में
की तुलना में यह बच्चे के रोने कि बाहर आता है
बोरियत के गर्भ से
पहले के बाद जाहिर है, इसके तल पर spanked हो रही है।


"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
उन अपने पहले ही शब्द हैं
दुनिया में प्रवेश करने पर बोलचाल
बच्चे को बात में, ज़ाहिर है,
के द्वारा, "मा-मा के बाद ...
पा-पा ...
कुत्ता…
बिल्ली…
स्कूल…
प्रेमिका प्रेमी…
गाड़ी…
कॉलेज ...
काम…
शादी…
शिशुओं ...
मधुमेह…
माइग्रेन ...
अस्पताल...
आदि, आदि, आदि, "
इसके विकास के चरणों के अनुसार
और साथ परिस्थितियों
बचपन से वयस्कता के लिए
या दूसरे शब्दों में,
यह किस्मत है।



(Arabic)

ليس كثيرا حتى الشرارة الإبداعية
أن يزرع بذرة الخيال
في مثل هذا المسعى لأن هذا
من هو الطفل الذي يخرج البكاء
من رحم الملل
بعد أول الحصول يضرب على القاع، بطبيعة الحال.

"Waaaah ... Waaaaah ... Waaaaah ...!!!"
تلك هي أول كلماتها
تحدث عند دخول العالم
في حديث الطفل، وبطبيعة الحال،
تلاه سهم "ما ال ...
الشعب والسلطة الفلسطينية ...
الكلب
قط
مدرسة
صديقة / صديقها ...
سيارة
كلية
وظيفة
زواج
أطفال...
داء السكري
داء الشقيقة...
مستشفى...
الخ، الخ، الخ، "
وفقا لمراحل نموها
والظروف المصاحبة
من مرحلة الطفولة إلى مرحلة البلوغ
أو بعبارة أخرى،
انه القدر.



(Japanese)

それはそんなに創造火花ではありません
それは想像力の種を植え
このような試みで
比它散發出來哭鬧寶寶
退屈の胎内から
最初の後、もちろん、その底部に酔っぱらったばかり。

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
これらは、非常に最初の言葉です
世界に入ると音声
赤ちゃんの講演では、当然のことながら、
、「マ・マが続きます...
パパ…
犬…
ネコ…
学校…
ガールフレンド/ボーイフレンド...
車…
カレッジ…
ジョブ…
結婚…
赤ちゃん...
糖尿病...
片頭痛...
病院...
等、等、等、"
その成長の段階に応じて、
および添付の状況
子供の頃からすると、成体まで
または、言い換えると、
それは運命です。



(Malay)

Ia tidak begitu banyak percikan kreatif
Yang menanam benih imaginasi
Dalam apa-apa usaha kerana ini
Daripada bayi yang keluar menangis
Dari rahim kebosanan
Selepas pertama kali ditampar pada bahagian bawah, sudah tentu.

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
Mereka adalah kata-kata yang pertama
Digunakan apabila memasuki dunia
Dalam ceramah bayi, sudah tentu,
Diikuti oleh: "Ma-ma ...
Pa-pa ...
Anging...
Kucing...
Sekolah ...
Girlfriend / Boyfriend ...
Kereta ...
Kolej ...
Kerja ...
Perkahwinan ...
Bayi ...
Kencing Manis...
Migrain ...
Hospital ...
Lain-lain, dan lain-lain, dan lain-lain, "
Selaras dengan peringkat pertumbuhannya
Dan keadaan yang disertakan
Dari zaman kanak-kanak ke alam dewasa
Atau, dalam erti kata lain,
Ia adalah takdir.



(Swahili)

Ni si sana cheche ubunifu
Kwamba mimea mbegu ya mawazo
Katika jitihada kama huu
Kuliko ilivyo mtoto kwamba hutoka nje kilio
Kutoka tumbo la boredom
Baada ya kwanza getting spanked juu ya chini yake, bila shaka.

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
Hayo ni maneno yake ya kwanza sana
Amesema juu ya kuingia dunia
Katika majadiliano mtoto, bila shaka,
Ikifuatiwa na, "Ma-ma ...
Pa-pa ...
Mbwa ...
Cat ...
Shule ...
Girlfriend / Boyfriend ...
Gari ...
Chuo ...
Job ...
Ndoa ...
Watoto ...
Kisukari ...
Migraine ...
Hospital ...
Nk, nk, nk, "
Kwa mujibu wa hatua ya ukuaji wake
Na hali iliyopo hapa
Tangu utoto kwa watu wazima
Au, kwa maneno mengine,
Ni hatima.



(Hebrew)

זה לא כל כך הרבה הניצוץ היצירתי
זה שותל את זרע דמיון
במאמץ כגון זה
ממה שהוא התינוק שיוצא בוכים
מרחמה של שעמום
אחרי הראשון מקבל מכות על הישבן שלה, כמובן.

"Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...Waaaaah!...":
אלו המילים מאוד שלה ראשונות
מדובר כשתינוק
בשפת תינוקות, כמובן,
ואחריו, "מא-מא ...
אַבָּא
כֶּלֶב
חתול
בית ספר
חברה / חבר ...
אוטו
מִכלָלָה
עבודה
נישואים
תינוקות ...
סוכרת
מִיגרֶנָה...
בית חולים...
וכו 'וכו' וכו ' ",
בהתאם לשלבי הצמיחה שלה
ונסיבות מצורפות
מילדות לבגרות
או, במילים אחרות,
זהו גורל.



(Etc.)