"So, how goes the start of the culling season for the Gregorian year 2022?"
"Well, according to reports from the ground, Vladimir Putin appears to be off to a good start. Thanks to him, about fifty-five thousand, civilians as well as soldiers, have been culled so far, not as many as other great warlords, dictators or conquerors may have racked up during their respective lifetimes, but, despite some setbacks and given time, he is expected to reach the 100,000 mark by June this year, with luck on his side, of course."
"What's the latest from the Infectious Diseases Sub-Division?"
"Less than six and a half million culled so far, according to reports from the ground, accredited to the Covid Nineteen virus, its variants and sub-variants. Not as impressive as in the case of some of the other culling agents, the Black Death of the fourteenth century for example, but expected to reach the ten million mark before it runs out of steam."
"Reports from the ground point to a potential kangaroo overpopulation problem in the Australian outback, but Australian wildlife department officials are confident of containing the rapidly increasing numbers by year's end."
"Sustainability Report?"
"According to our studies, the planet has been projected to be able to sustain life at current levels of depleted natural resources comfortably for the next fifty or so years, after which the implications are expected to be catastrophic. Planet sustainability figures are two billion in excess at current rates of resource depletion."
"There has been talk in the locker room about the benefits of a nuclear war, such as the one Vladimir Putin has a habit of threatening to unleash every now and then."
"Doomsday has been prophesied as an End Of Days event, not something as occurring this early. The planet has a lifespan of twelve cycles, each cycle lasting 200 million years, of which nine-and-a-half cycles have already been spent. Accordingly, two-and-a-half cycles, or a total of 500 million earth years, remain. Any nuclear war unleashed by Vladimir Putin will definitely not result in the annihilation of the entire planet or its contents. but it will definitely help bring down overpopulation figures to more planet sustainability levels, that is for sure. but don't quote me on that."
"As for your reports, they have been well noted. Good job, everyone. Carry on."
