A vast
ocean of people, a multitude too numerous to be counted as were the stars in
the heavens or grains of sand in the desert, were waiting to enter a
courtroom and in the meantime were
filling out a questionnaire, a sample of which was as follows, minus the boxes:
| (Tick Where Applicable) | ||||
| No. | Sample Charges That May Be Filed By The Prosecution | Yes | No | Not Applicable |
| 1 | I was hungry, but you did not give me anything to eat. | |||
| 2 | I was thirsty, but you did not give me anything to drink. | |||
| 3 | I was naked, but you did not give me anything to wear. | |||
| 4 | I was a stranger, but you did not welcome me into your home. | |||
| 5 | I was sick and in prison, but you did not visit me. | |||
| (Tick Where Applicable) | ||||
| No. | Sample Pleas That May Be Entered By The Defense | Yes | No | Not Applicable |
| 1 | I was too busy making money. | |||
| 2 | I was too busy making love. | |||
| 3 | I was too busy making babies. | |||
| 4 | I was too busy getting drunk. | |||
| 5 | I was too busy getting angry. | |||
| 6 | I was too busy fighting insurgents / militants. | |||
| 7 | I was too busy fighting with my in-laws / neighbors. | |||
| 8 | I was too busy travelling the world in search of adventure. | |||
| 9 | I was too busy travelling the world in search of gastronomic | |||
| adventures. | ||||
| 10 | I was too busy playing golf. | |||
| 11 | I was too busy playing cat-and-mouse with the law. | |||
| 12 | I was too busy enjoying life. | |||
| 13 | I was too busy being nice. | |||
| 14 | I was too busy being an asshole. | |||
| 15 | I was too busy chasing deadlines. | |||
| 16 | I was too busy chasing dreams. | |||
| 17 | I was too busy looking for love. | |||
| 18 | I was too busy looking for happiness. | |||
| 19 | I was too busy looking good. | |||
| 20 | I was too busy climbing up the corporate ladder. | |||
| 21 | I was too busy struggling to make ends meet. | |||
| 22 | I was too busy bitching about my lot in life. | |||
| 23 | Big deal. I was in prison myself. | |||
| 24 | Big deal. I was on a hospital bed myself. | |||
| 25 | Big deal. I was a soup kitchen regular myself. | |||
| 26 | Big deal. I was a charity case myself. | |||
| 27 | Sorry, I'm not a Christian. | |||
| 28 | Sorry, I'm an Atheist and do not recognize the legality | |||
| 29 | of these proceedings. | |||
| 30 | I demand my right to be represented by a lawyer. | |||
| 31 | We have followed Moses since the days of our forefathers | |||
| and have kept all the commandments. As for this Jesus | ||||
| fellow, we don't know who he is. | ||||
| 31 | We have followed Moses since the days of our forefathers | |||
| and have kept all the commandments. As for this Jesus | ||||
| fellow, we know that he was a blasphemer who deserved | ||||
| everything Herod did to him. | ||||
| 32 | We have been faithful to the Torah since the days of our | |||
| forefathers and are still waiting for the Messiah who was to | ||||
| come. Please, Sir, can you tell us where to find him? | ||||
| 33 | For centuries, Moses permitted us to divorce and marry | |||
| as many times as we please, then this Jesus fellow comes | ||||
| along and forbids it. Moreover, he desecrates the Sabbath, | ||||
| healing the masses by magic and sorcery. Even worse, | ||||
| his disciples erect idols of him in their places of worship | ||||
| and expect us to bow down before these idols, which | ||||
| Moses forbade, and proclaim him Saviour. Please, Sir, | ||||
| tell us, what would you have us believe, that this Jesus | ||||
| fellow was the Messiah who was to come? | ||||
| 34 | Excuse me. I'm here to collect my 72 virgins as a reward | |||
| for jihardist duties on earth. Allahu Akhbar! | ||||
| Other Pleas That May Be Entered By The Defense Not Found Here (In Your Own Words) | ||||
