May You Not End Up Like Gaddafi

A rabbi, known for his fire-and-brimstone sermons, was heard addressing his flock.

”Hear, O Israel,” said he, “ the Lord is one. As a father admonishes his children so that their errant ways might be corrected, so too do I admonish you.”

“Follow the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength, so that it might go down well with you.”

“If, however, you do not do as I say but instead choose to follow the inclinations of your own hearts and bow down to foreign gods, gods that neither you nor your forefathers had known, as surely the Lord lives, He who created the heavens and the earth, the Lord is his Name, He will send his armies against you to rid you from the land he gave to you and your descendants to be your inheritance forever, a land overflowing with milk and honey.”

“Even if you rally your finest men to defend your city walls, He will send his hordes again and again until the land vomits you out like the stomach vomits out rotten food and putrid wine.”

“If you do not do as I say, I tell you the truth, you will end up like Gaddafi.”

“And it will be said about you, from that time onwards, that because you did not follow the Lord your God but chose to follow other gods instead, He stretched out His mighty hand against you so that you suffered the same fate as Gaddafi.”

And indeed, from that time onwards, blessings were pronounced, “May you not end up like Gaddafi”, and curses, “May you end up like Gaddafi”, among other things too numerous to be mentioned here.

Firecracker Madness

No one's stopping you from playing with officially banned firecrackers;
Go ahead, by all means;
Only do it in the middle of a field the size of three football fields during the day,
Not in front of a house that's in the middle of a block of linked houses three doors away from mine at ten o'clock at night
In accordance with what you were taught in school, 
Remember?

Cowboys In Bedouin Clothing

Rudolf Hess, Hitler’s second-in-command, upon his capture was eventually sentenced by an international military tribunal to life imprisonment, he who was part of an organization responsible for forty million deaths in Europe alone during World War Two.

Had Hitler not committed suicide, he too would have been captured alive to stand trial for war crimes regardless of the outcome.

Of the twenty-four Nazi war criminals tried at Nuremberg, only twelve were sentenced to death. The others were sentenced from ten years to life with two acquittals.

But you cowboys in Bedouin clothing, you drag your deposed ruler and dictator through the streets upon his army’s defeat and his capture and shoot him like a rabid dog, such is the brand of justice dished out in your Bedouin tents.

But then again, what else can be expected from cowboys in Bedouin clothing brandishing AK-47s and jeep-mounted AA guns in desert surroundings except exactly what you did in keeping with your cowboy-in-Bedouin-clothing upbringing and mentality?

Outcast

Who snatched you from your mother's breast

And dumped you on my doorstep,

You who can't be more than thirty days outside the womb?
But let us pray for him that his soul might be saved, 

Yes, let us pray for him that his soul might be saved.

The Human Intellect Compartmentalization Theory

                                (...states that...)

The human intellect is compartmentalized into numerous segments, or chips. Each segment, or chip, corresponds to a specific skill. The degree of responsiveness, or responsive factor, of each segment, or chip, to its corresponding skill determines the range of skills or accomplishments someone may or may not acquire or achieve in his life time.
For example, say a subject's academic chip has a high degree of responsiveness to its corresponding skill, i.e., academics, while his sports chip has a low to medium degree of responsiveness to its corresponding skill, i.e., sports.

This combination will result in a subject with high academic skills or accomplishments and low to medium skills or accomplishments in sports.

Each segment, or chip, in turn, has numerous component segments, or component chips corresponding to a specific field.

For example, say the science component chip of a subject’s academic chip has a high degree of responsiveness to its corresponding field, i.e., science, while his arts component chip has a low to medium degree of responsiveness to its corresponding field, i.e., arts.

This combination will result in a subject with high skills or accomplishments in the field of science and low to medium skills or accomplishments in the field of arts.

Each component segment, or component chip, in turn, has numerous sub-divisional component segments, or sub-divisional component chips, corresponding to a specific field.

For example, say the biology sub-divisional component chip of a subject’s science component chip has a high degree of responsiveness to its corresponding field, i.e., biology, while the geography sub-divisional component chip of his arts component chip has a low to medium degree of responsiveness to its corresponding field, i.e., geography.

This combination will result in a subject with high skills or accomplishments in biology and low to medium skills or accomplishments in geography, and if the soccer component chip of his sports chip has a high degree of responsiveness to its corresponding field, i.e., soccer, the subject will also possess high skills or accomplishments in soccer.

From The Missing Pages Of The Gospel According To John

A young man, having quarreled with his father, the king, and other members of the royal household, fled to his relatives' estate in the countryside, fearing for his life, thinking he would be safe there.

When the king heard about it, he sent his best troops after his estranged son, commanding the captain,"Before you execute my relatives for their involvement in this, be sure to say to them,'For the crime of aiding and abetting an enemy of the king, the punishment, by royal decree, is death,' and then have them put to the sword, together with all they possess - their servants, their horses, their camels, their donkeys, their dogs and all their livestock. No one is to be spared, whether man or animal, including the young prince himself, who has made himself a stench in the king's nostrils. Then burn it all down as a lesson to others."

When it was done, the king held a feast for all his loyal subjects; for three days and three nights they feasted on the best of foods and the choicest of wines from dusk to dawn to dusk again.

When the whole kingdom was at the peak of its drunken stupor, the armies of the neighboring kingdoms attacked as one, kingdoms bearing ancient hostilities towards each other, from all four directions of the wind.

Sons will turn against their fathers, fathers against their sons; daughters will turn against their mothers, mothers against their daughters; brother will turn against brother, sister against sister, and neighbors will wage endless wars against each other, yet the end is still to come.

Snippets

Greeting Card Contents

What's on the cover's nice
Like the sugar and the spice
Which you yourself were made of
From your head to your feet
Of which every inch was sweet
And delightful in the sight
Of one who loved you dearly day and night.


Unrequited Love

Loving you was just as bad as loving walls of brick
Twenty inches thick
For just as they responded not to messages of love
As walls were wont to do
Neither, dear, did you.


Keeping In Touch

Forgive me for the silence
From which I'll brush away
The cobwebs of a lifetime
And the dust of an eternity.


Valentine's Day Greetings

May this be yours before this day is through:
A romantic candlelight dinner for two,
He in a tuxedo, flowers in hand,
You the prettiest in all the land.
Happy Valentine's Day.


New Year Greetings (SMS)

Nothing fancy, nothing cute,
Just Happy New Year, toot-toot, toot-toot.


Still Holding On

Time has sprouted wings it seems
As day turns into night,
Yet were you still in my dreams
However swift its flight.


Missed Opportunities

Two ships passing each other in the middle of the night,
Each with its own full cargo, each with its own full agenda;
Will they ever pass each other again?
Perhaps, someday, in the scrapyards of time.


A Gal I Once Knew

Say something nice about her
And she'll smile as big a smile
As a fraction of a mile:
Locating it might take you quite a while.

Her magic touch does wonders
As does her charming smile
But when she's mad it thunders
And you'll run for a mile
But since she's only human
You'll brush it off at once
While meeting such a woman
Will trouble you for months
As potent was her magic
Upon the souls she touched,
Yes, potent was her magic
Upon the souls she touched.



Riddle: What's the difference between a bottle of champagne and a beautiful, charming woman?

Answer: The packaging.